Own Your Life or Be Owned

Introduction

I come from a world where choice didn’t exist. I grew up in a communist country where the system dictated your path, not merit. You didn’t question authority. You didn’t expect fairness.

And when war came, there was no time for reflection or motivation.

There was survival. I fought 1,800 consecutive days in combat.

I witnessed destruction, betrayal, and the extraordinary resilience of human beings under fire.

Later, I served in human intelligence.

My job was to understand people: their fears, their truths, and their deception.

I learned something essential early on — you can’t fake character. This is especially true during times of war.

This principle applies not only to war but also to life. This holds true when it truly matters.

And if there’s one truth, I’ve brought with me from the battlefield to the boardroom, from war zones to studio microphones, it’s this:

You either own your life, or existence owns you.

We live in a time of distractions and noise.

Every scroll on social media offers another guru, another shortcut, another so-called “alpha” male with the secret formula to success.

People tell you that confidence stems from a course, strength from a supplement, and identity from a flashy car and an expensive watch.

It’s all an illusion

There is no download for dignity. There’s no coach who can hand you integrity.

There is only the challenging, often uncomfortable, and always liberating path of personal responsibility.

Everything else builds upon this foundation. Without it, no mindset hack or morning routine will save you.

Personal responsibility isn’t a self-help slogan. It’s a lifeline. It’s the one thing that turns chaos into clarity. It’s the difference between men who drift and men who build.

I’ve watched too many men fall into the trap of blame.

Blame the system. Blame their past. Blame their partner, their boss, their genetics, or the economy.

But blaming doesn’t buy you freedom. It chains you to inertia.

When life overwhelms you, what is the first thing you reach for?

Do you make excuses or exert effort?

When faced with overwhelming challenges, what is your initial response?

Do you seek excuses, or do you strive to put in the effort?

Do you turn to someone who can help resolve your issues, or do you rely on the resilient part of yourself that refuses to surrender?

I have made mistakes. I have experienced failure.I’ve failed. I’ve lost.

But I’ve never stopped taking responsibility.

It’s not about the result but about how I respond to it. That’s the difference between surviving and growing.

You don’t have to come from war like I did to understand this.

You might come from divorce, burnout, job loss, or quiet despair.

The moment your life begins to change is when you stop waiting to be saved and start choosing to stand up.

Today, the world is filled with hype men and hollow promises.

Some coaches tend to talk more than they listen. Instead of assisting you in discovering your identity, influencers sell it.

They promise instant transformation. However, the truth is that you cannot purchase transformation. It’s earned.

Let’s talk about the Alpha myth

This narrative is everywhere — loud, aggressive, and often emotionally shallow. It tells men that to be strong means to dominate, to suppress emotion, and to posture instead of reflecting.

It says real men don’t cry. Real men never back down. Real men never need help.

But I’ve seen what real strength looks like. It’s the soldier who comforts a dying comrade. It’s the father who chooses to listen rather than shout.

It is the man who acknowledges that he does not have all the answers yet still chooses to be present.

The so-called “alpha” male brand is not strength. It’s performance. And the longer you wear that mask, the further you drift from who you truly are.

We’ve glamorized the wrong things — and men are paying the price. The pressure to appear powerful, put-together, and untouchable is quietly breaking us. It’s time we spoke the truth:

Responsibility is strength. Vulnerability is courage. Ownership is power.

To own your life means to take charge of five areas most men try to outsource:

Your Money—You take command of your finances. You don’t wait for a pay raise or complain about inflation. You budget, save, invest, and live within your means. You don’t expect handouts. You create stability.

Your Body and Mind—You train, not to impress, but to endure. You eat well, sleep right, and challenge yourself physically and mentally. You ask for help when needed — because strength isn’t the absence of struggle. It’s the refusal to surrender.

Your Relationships—You show up. You speak honestly. You take accountability in every relationship — whether it’s with your partner, your parents, your children, or your mates. You cease blaming others and instead focus on mending relationships.

In your career, you stop waiting for a lucky break. You acquire new skills, embrace challenges, and accept constructive criticism. You own your professional journey, even when the path is unclear or uphill.

Your Emotions— You don’t ignore your triggers — you understand them. You don’t lash out — you pause. You recognize your anger, your fear, and your sadness—and you manage them with honesty and discipline.

These aren’t hacks. They’re habits. We build them slowly, painfully, and intentionally.

Does that suggest you might not require support? That’s not the case at all. A great coach can be a mirror, a guide, and a challenger. I’ve had mentors who’ve changed my life.
But the difference between real mentorship and modern manipulation is this:

A real coach never replaces your responsibility. He reminds you of it.

Conclusion

The coaches and influencers who sell identity are selling dependency. They aim to convince you that you’re flawed, and they possess the solution.

However, you are not flawed. You’re simply unclaimed.

The life you want isn’t out there in someone’s formula.

Every disciplined choice, every difficult conversation, and every quiet, consistent act of self-respect forges the life you desire within you.

So, to the man reading this, wondering if he’s enough — you are.

But you’ve got to start acting like it. Don’t demonstrate your worth to the public. Instead, you should start by proving it to yourself.

Ultimately, the victor isn’t the one with the loudest voice. It’s the willing one to face himself—and take full ownership of what he finds.

Own your life.

Or be owned.

This post was written by Mario Bekes