Understanding The Ego
Why it sabotages us and how to overcome it in our personal and professional lives
Introduction
I have battled with my ego for as long as I can remember.
It was there in war—whispering that I deserved more. More promotions. More respect. More recognition. I fought on the front lines while others, safe behind desks, climbed the ranks faster. And it burned me inside.
My ego told me I was overlooked, unappreciated, and that my worth depended on how others saw me.
Years later, I thought I had left that mindset behind. Then, I started podcasting.
And suddenly, that same voice returned—the one telling me I wasn’t successful enough, that others were getting ahead, that I deserved more. Instead of focusing on the impact of my work, I was chasing validation.
Ego had me in its grip once again.
Ego is a trap. It makes us crave recognition while blinding us to what truly matters. It whispers that we need to prove ourselves, that we must win at all costs, and that if we’re not ahead of others, we’re falling behind.
But here’s the truth: The ego isn’t powerful—it’s afraid. It feeds off insecurity, fear, and past wounds.
And if we don’t learn to manage it, it will control every aspect of our lives.
So, what exactly is the ego? Why does it sabotage us? And how can we finally break free?
Let’s dive in.
What is the ego?
Fundamentally, the ego is the aspect of our psyche that establishes our identity. Our identity, convictions, and worldview are shaped by this mental construct.
Our ego informs us of our identity, our worth, and our potential. It acts as a protection mechanism, shielding us from both internal and external dangers.
The ego prioritizes these demands over all others in its quest for approval, authority, and recognition.
However, this is the fundamental reality of the ego The ego is about being helpless, not about having power. It may seem contradictory, yet this is the main reason why our egos frequently work against us.
Fundamentally, fear, insecurity, and hurt are the foundations of the ego. The voice within us responds to the outside world with vulnerability.
Although we may perceive the ego as a strong, control-hungry entity, it is actually a mask we put up to conceal our innermost anxieties and scars.
The ego is fear
The ego is always on watch, shielding us from the potential for rejection, failure, or even severe emotional suffering. Because vulnerability entails addressing aspects of ourselves that we frequently don’t want to admit, its aim is to make sure we never experience it.
The ego is insecure
By evaluating oneself against others, looking for approval, and protecting its position in the world, the ego feels the need to prove itself all the time. It is brittle and can break down when threatened, resulting in worry, defensiveness, and a sense of never being “enough.”
You’ve all probably experienced this to some extent.
The ego is hurt
Our ego is frequently shaped by emotional scars from the past. The ego arises as a protective mechanism to shield us from additional harm, regardless of the cause—childhood trauma, failure, rejection, or any number of other experiences that have left us feeling devalued. However, the ego exacerbates these wounds rather than aiding in their healing, erecting obstacles to genuine growth and connection.
How the Ego Sabotage Us
The ego gives the external world the impression that it is strong, self-assured, and in charge. It conceals the underlying hurt, anxiety, and insecurity.
This mask is not sustainable, though. The ego gradually breaks, and internal conflict arises from the strain between our actual selves and the personas we present.
The ego frequently causes feelings of frustration and emptiness as a result.
We lead an inauthentic life because we have a fictitious idea of who we are.
Why does our ego negatively impact us?
Since the ego is based on hurt, insecurity, and fear, it is not surprising that it frequently works against us.
When our ego motivates our actions, they do not align with our actual potential. Rather, we get caught up in a vicious cycle of comparison, self-defence, and an incessant need for approval from others.
The ego undermines us in the following significant ways:
1. The Ego Fears Vulnerability
Security and control are what the ego thrives on. By avoiding circumstances that could put us in danger of failure, weakness, or discomfort, it aims to preserve the status quo.
We may be unable to do new things, venture outside of our comfort zones, or take chances that could result in both professional and personal development because of this fear of vulnerability.
The ego persuades us that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness, but in actuality, it can lead to transformation and honesty.
2. The Ego Attaches Our Worth to Results
The concept of achievement and outside approval is essential to the ego. The ego makes us feel dependent on specific results when we link our value to reaching them, such as promotions, financial success, or public recognition.
Even though we have no influence over outside circumstances, this can cause sadness and self-doubt when things don’t go as planned.
We never feel completely at ease when we rely on approval from others.
3. The Ego Fears Change
Because change jeopardizes its feeling of stability, the ego resists it. Because they contradict the identity we have developed over time, the ego has a tendency to reject novel concepts or events, whether in our personal or professional lives.
The ego worries that change may reveal its frailty or make us face more profound fears.
We may be unable to develop and adjust to new situations as a result of this aversion to change, both emotionally and professionally.
4. The Ego Compares Us to Others
The ego compares us to other people all the time. It aspires to be regarded as better than others around us in terms of intelligence, success, or talent.
This incessant urge to compare frequently results in imposter syndrome, envy, and feelings of inadequacy.
This competitive mentality at work can strain relationships, increase stress, and lower output in general. Since rivalry feeds a fictitious sense of self-worth, the ego thrives on it, but in the end, it stifles genuine growth.
5. The Ego Defends Instead of Learning
When faced with challenges or criticism, the ego often responds defensively. Instead of accepting responsibility for our acts or growing from the experience, we may react to threats to our ego with anger, denial, or blaming.
This refusal to take constructive criticism might impede one’s capacity to advance both personally and professionally. The ego interprets even constructive criticism as a direct attack on its identity.
How to Break Free from Ego’s Control
Ego management calls for self-awareness, tolerance, and a readiness to confront unpleasant aspects of oneself. Although it’s not simple, I’ve employed the following techniques to get over the ego’s limitations:
1. Recognize When Ego is in Control
Being conscious of your ego’s existence and impact on your life is the first step toward conquering it. Observe when your ego is aroused, whether it is by failure, criticism, or danger. So, how do you feel? Are there things you feel compelled to prove? For me, this serves as the initial warning sign.
The first step to escaping these behaviours is realizing they exist.
2. Embrace Vulnerability
Vulnerability is one of the biggest worries of the ego. However, the secret to real development and connection is vulnerability. None of us are flawless; we are all simply regular folks.
Therefore, give yourself permission to be flawed, make errors, and communicate your own emotions without seeking approval.
You can break free from the ego’s incessant demand for control and approval when you accept vulnerability. Being vulnerable allows for genuine connections and artistic expression.
3. Shift Focus from Outcome to Process
The ego’s fixation on getting approval from others frequently results in an attachment to results. To get past this, always concentrate on the process rather than the outcome.
Develop a growth mentality, which views every action you take—no matter how minor—as a chance to learn.
4. Stop Comparing—Run Your Own Race
The ego frequently uses negative self-talk, like “I am not good enough” or “I will never succeed,” to reinforce limiting ideas. These ideas have the power to paralyze you and keep you mired in insecurity.
Make a conscious effort to think more positively. You can break out from the ego’s warped perspectives and enter an empowered narrative by rephrasing your self-talk.
5. Let go of control
Control is what the ego feeds on. I was such a control freak.
Recognize that life is full of uncertainty and change and that you cannot control everything. Focus on your attitude, actions, and responses rather than trying to control every outcome.
Conclusion
We all have an ego. But we don’t have to be controlled by it.
The ego thrives on fear, insecurity, and comparison.
It convinces us that we need validation, recognition, and superiority to feel worthy.
But real power comes from something else—self-awareness, humility, and growth.
So, the next time your ego whispers that you’re not enough, that you need more, that you must prove yourself—pause. Take a breath. And remind yourself:
You are already enough.
The battle with ego never ends. But the more we master it, the more we free ourselves.
So, what about you? How do you manage your ego? Let’s talk.
This post was written by Mario Bekes