The Love Con: Inside the Mind and Modus Operandi of Romance Scammers
Introduction
I’ve interrogated war criminals. I’ve investigated organized crime members, traitors, and spies.
I’ve spent sleepless nights in war zones, waiting for the enemy to reveal themselves.
But there is one thing I will never understand.
When a man gazes into a woman’s eyes and tells falsehoods, it’s not to safeguard a country or ensure survival—but to deplete her finances.
The man’s goal is to separate her from her friends.
He seeks to undermine her faith in love, driven solely by a desire to feel powerful.
That kind of man doesn’t just steal money—he steals hope. And he leaves behind something no prison sentence can repay: a shattered woman too afraid to trust again.
This isn’t just deception. This is psychological warfare. And it’s time we call it by its real name.
The Digital Age of Deception
charismatic, and well-travelled.
His social media accounts depicted a man living an opulent lifestyle, complete with private jets, opulent dinners, and exotic destinations. He spoke to her like she was his entire world.
And then, weeks later, she found herself broke, betrayed, and humiliated.
Romance Scammers: Masters of Manipulation
These aren’t isolated stories. They’re a growing epidemic. Romance scammers thrive in a time when love is easily accessible.
They don’t simply steal money.
They exploit trust.
They meticulously construct illusions, leaving the victim unaware of their deception until it’s too late.
They’re not messy amateurs.
They’re calculated operators.
These men understand human psychology like trained interrogators. Their weapon isn’t a gun—it’s attention, validation, and false affection.
The Intelligence Behind the Illusion
After decades working in military intelligence, interrogations, and human deception, I’ve seen manipulation in its rawest form.
But these men? They function like covert operatives. They don’t guess—they research. They don’t seduce—they strategize.
They tear down defenses, not with violence, but with illusion.
Case Study: The Tinder Swindler
Simon Leviev, better known as the “Tinder Swindler,” became infamous for a reason. He created a persona as a wealthy heir to a diamond empire, constantly on the run from mysterious enemies.
Lavish gifts and whirlwind romance made his victims feel like princesses. But soon came the crisis—he needed money, fast.
The transfers amounted to tens of thousands. Love turned to fear.
And Leviev disappeared—to his next carefully chosen victim.
Targeting the Vulnerable
What makes men like Leviev effective isn’t luck. It’s precision. Like sharks, they prey on vulnerability.
Any emotional opening, such as divorce, loneliness, recent grief, or financial independence, serves as an entry point.
They study social media profiles, observe habits, and initiate contact when the timing is right.
These men don’t cast nets—they stalk.
Digital Profiling and Selection
Apps like Tinder, Facebook, and Instagram have become their battlefield. With stolen photos, fake names, AI tools, and fabricated job titles, they present a persona tailored to what their target desires.
Every detail of their online presence incorporates the lie, not just the words.
Psychological Warfare Tactics
Once the scammer establishes contact, the manipulation commences. The scammer employs psychological strategies straight out of intelligence manuals, such aslove bombing, mirroring, and subtle isolation. The goal is to overwhelm the target emotionally, creating rapid attachment and dependence.
The Art of Mirroring and Isolation
Love bombing starts the process—nonstop messages, compliments, calls, and promises of a future. Victims describe feeling like they’re in a dream. That dream is by design.
Next comes mirroring. The scammer becomes everything she’s looking for. If she loves art, he’s an art lover. If she’s a single mother, he adores kids.
If she is grieving, it means he has also lost someone.
It’s no coincidence—it’s manipulation.
Isolation begins subtly. “Your friends don’t get us.” “They’re jealous.” Gradually, the woman distances herself from those who could cause concern.
Then, when she’s emotionally reliant, the real game begins.
The Path to Financial Grooming
It doesn’t start with a request for money. It starts with a story. A problem. A crisis. It could potentially be a medical emergency. The situation could potentially involve a legal dispute.
Something has gone awry in the deal.
The woman, emotionally invested, believes she’s helping the man she loves.
She wires money. Then again. Then again. She’s not foolish—she’s in a bind. What began as love is now a web of psychological pressure.
Breaking Down the Victim’s Defences
What’s the most startling reality? Many victims are highly educated, successful women. Lawyers. Executives. Entrepreneurs. Their intelligence didn’t protect them, because this was never about intellect—it was emotional warfare. Even after realizing their deception, some entrepreneurs persist in defending their scammer.
The Emotional Fallout
When it’s finally over, the emotional wreckage sets in. Many victims describe the experience like a form of emotional captivity—being mentally held hostage by someone they believed loved them.
Shame, guilt, depression, and anxiety—it all follows. Some experience symptoms similar to PTSD. Trust is shattered. Confidence is lost. The financial loss is painful, but the psychological scars run deeper. Many isolate themselves. Others abandon dating altogether. Some spiral into silence, too embarrassed to speak out.
The Cost of Trust
According to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3), romance scams have drained over $1 billion in the last few years alone, with individual losses averaging over $10,000. But behind those numbers are human stories—lives derailed, dreams broken.
Inside the Scammer’s Mind
Who are these men? Some of these individuals operate independently. Others operate in tightly coordinated criminal rings, often in regions with weak cyber laws.
They share scripts, templates, and victim databases like a business. Many display signs of narcissism or sociopathy.
They charm with ease but lack empathy.
Their goal? Money, power, control—or sometimes, just the thrill of the con.
Technology as a Weapon
In today’s world, scammers don’t need to be near you to manipulate you.
Deepfakes, voice changers, and AI tools allow them to impersonate anyone. Some scammers even utilize call centers, where they groom multiple women simultaneously. It’s systematic.
It’s industrial.
A Scripted Game of Lies
Their lies follow a familiar pattern. They’re often widowed or working overseas—in the military, oil rigs, or engineering.
They’re noble. Busy. Long-distance.
However, they remain emotionally accessible. Within days, they declare love. Within weeks, they need help. The emotional pull is relentless.
Language of Emotional Coercion
“You’re my angel.” “Only you understand me.” “Please don’t leave me now.” These are not mere sentiments; they are strategic. Every phrase is meant to trigger sympathy, urgency, and guilt. The goal is to convert affection into obedience.
Behind the Silence
In my conversations with victims—from lawyers to therapists—one thing is consistent: silence. Most were too ashamed to go public. And that silence gives scammers cover to keep preying on others.
Why This Story Must Be Told
This article isn’t just about scams. It’s about the misuse of trust.
This article delves into the weaponization of love. It’s also about breaking that silence.
Every woman who steps forward inspires another to find the courage to leave.
Recognizing the Red Flags
If someone you love is pulling away, becoming secretive, or suddenly involved in a whirlwind romance—ask questions.
Look closer. Real love doesn’t demand secrecy, urgency, or wire transfers.
A Message to Victims and Predators
To the women reading this: If something feels off, trust your instinct. Love doesn’t come with ultimatums. It doesn’t ask you to empty your bank account. You’re not alone, and you’re not foolish.
To the men running these scams: Know this—truth has a voice. And we will use it.
The Modern Battlefield of Love
Once, I studied enemies in war zones. Today, the battlefield is digital. The weapons are emotional.
But the mission remains: protect the innocent and expose the threat.
And this time, the enemy isn’t across the border. He’s on your phone.
This post was written by Mario Bekes